⒈ My Sisters Keeper Book Ending

Friday, October 22, 2021 10:30:39 PM

My Sisters Keeper Book Ending

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17 years later, Nash family opens up about controversial decision to save dying daughter

If anyone kills Cain, Cain shall be avenged seven times. Descendants of Cain and Seth. Cain also became the founder of a city, which he named after his son Enoch. The sister of Tubalcain was Naamah. At that time people began to invoke the L ORD by name. But there is no disparagement of farming here, for Adam was created to till the soil. The motif of the preferred younger brother will occur time and again in the Bible, e.

In any case, Cain has the ability to do the right thing. In Mesopotamian religion, a related word rabisu refers to a malevolent god who attacks human beings in particular places like roofs or canals. But I started to wonder… what if she ever, sadly, goes out of remission? Will the boy feel responsible? Will he wonder if the only reason he was born was because his sister was sick? When I started to look more deeply at the family dynamics and how stem cell research might cause an impact, I came up with the story of the Fitzgeralds.

I personally am pro stem-cell research - there's too much good it can to do simply dismiss it. However, clearly, it's a slippery slope… and sometimes researchers and political candidates get so bogged down in the ethics behind it and the details of the science that they forget completely we're talking about humans with feelings and emotions and hopes and fears… like Anna and her family. I believe that we're all going to be forced to think about these issues within a few years… so why not first in fiction?

I have to tell you - writing Jesse is the most fun I've had in a long time. Maybe at heart I've always wanted to be a 17 year old juvenile delinquent… but for whatever reason, it was just an absolute lark to take someone with so much anger and hurt inside him and give him voice. It's always more fun to pretend to be someone you aren't, for whatever reason -- whether that means male, or thirteen, or neurotic, or suicidal, or any of a dozen other first person narrators I've created. Whenever I try on a male voice - like Jesse's or Campbell's or Brian's - it feels like slipping into a big overcoat. It's comfortable there, and easy to get accustomed to wearing… but if I'm not careful, I'll slip and show what I've got on underneath.

Well, that's exactly why it has to be Jesse who says it! To Jesse, whatever injustices he thinks he's suffered growing up will always pale to the Great Injustice of his sister being sick. He can't win, plain and simple… so he doesn't bother to try. When you read Jesse, you think you see exactly what you're getting: a kid who's gone rotten to the core. But I'd argue that in his case, you're dealing with an onion… someone whose reality is several layers away from what's on the surface. The question isn't whether Jesse's bad… it's what made him that way in the first place… and whether that's really who he is, or just a facade he uses to protect a softer self from greater disappointment.

I suppose I could say that all I ever read are the Masters… and that these quotes just popped out of my memory… but I'd be lying! The bits I used at the beginning of the sections are ones that I searched for, diligently. I was looking for allusions to fire, flashes, stars -- all imagery that might connect a family which is figuratively burning itself out. I think there is a relationship between sisters that is unlike other sibling bonds. It's a combination of competition and fierce loyalty, which is certainly evident in both sets of sisters in this book. The reason Izzy and Julia are twins is because they started out as one embryo, before splitting in utero… and as they grew their differences became more pronounced.

Kate and Anna, too, have genetic connections… but unlike Izzy and Julia, aren't able to separate from each other to grow into distinct individuals. I wanted to hold up both examples to the reader, so that they could see the difference between two sisters who started out as one and diverged; and two sisters who started out distinct from each other, and somehow became inextricably tangled. It's always hard to imagine a scenario where a family is dealing with intense grief, because naturally, you can't help but think of your own family going through that sort of hell.

When researching the book, I spoke to children who had cancer, as well as their parents -- to better capture what it felt like to live day by day, and maintain a positive attitude in spite of the overwhelming specter of what might be just around the corner. To a lesser extent, I also drew on my own experience, as a parent with a child who faced a series of surgeries: when my middle son Jake was 5, he was diagnosed with bilateral cholesteatomas in his ears -- benign tumors that will eventually burrow into your brain and kill you, if you don't manage to catch them. He had ten surgeries in three years, and he's tumor free now.

Clearly, I wasn't facing the same urgent fears that the mom of a cancer patient faces… but it's not hard to remember how trying those hospitalizations were. Every single time I walked beside his gurney into the OR, where I would stay with him while he was anesthetized, I'd think, "Okay, just take my ear; if that keeps him from going through this again.

And yet, I adore Nina… and I really admire Sara too. I think that she's the easy culprit to blame in this nightmare… and yet I would caution the reader not to rush to judgment. As Sara says at the end of the book, it was never a case of choosing one child over the other - it was a case of wanting BOTH. I don't think she meant for Anna to be at the mercy of her sister… I think she was only intent on doing what had to be done to keep that family intact. Now… that said… I don't think she's a perfect mom. She lets Jesse down - although she certainly was focused on more pressing emergencies, it's hard for me to imagine giving up so completely on a child, no matter what.

And she's so busy fixating on Kate's shaky future that she loses sight of her family in the here and now -- an oversight, of course, that she will wind up regretting forever at the end of the book. Kids are the consummate radar devices for screening lies. They instinctively know when someone isn't being honest, or truthful, and one of the really hard parts about growing up is learning the value of a white lie… for them, it's artifice that has to be acquired… remember how upset Holden Caulfield got at all the Phonies?

Anna sees things the way they are because mentally she's still a kid - in spite of the fact that she's pretty much lost her childhood. The remarkable thing about adolescents, though, that keeps me coming back to them in fiction… is that even when they're on the brink of realizing that growing up means compromising and letting go of those ideals, they still hold fast to hope. They may not want to admit to it witness Jesse! It's why teens make such great and complicated narrators. My Sister's Keeper is the first book one of my own kids has read. Kyle, who's twelve, picked it up and immediately got engrossed in it. The day he finished the book, I found him weeping on the couch. He pushed me away and went up to his room and told me that he really didn't want to see me or talk to me for a while - he was THAT upset.

Eventually, when we did sit down to discuss it, he kept asking, "Why? Why did it have to end like that? Medically, this ending was a realistic scenario for the family -- and thematically, it was the only way to hammer home to all the characters what's truly important in life. Do I wish it could have had a happy ending? You bet -- I even gave a 23rd hour call to a oncology nurse to ask if there was some other way to end the book -- but finally, I came to see that if I wanted to be true to the story, this was the right conclusion. Um, are you reading the same reviews that I am?!? I'm kidding - well, a little.

I've had overwhelmingly good reviews, but I think the bad reviews always stick with you longer, because they sting so much no matter how many times I tell myself I'm going to ignore them, I read them anyway. I am fortunate to write commercially marketed books that still manage to get review coverage -- too often in this industry books are divided by what's reviewed and literary, or what's advertised and commercial. It's incredibly fun to have a starred review in a magazine -- photographers come out and take fancy pictures of you, and people are forever seeing your face and a description of your novel when they hang out in doctor's and dentist's waiting rooms.

But the best thing about good press is that it makes people who might not otherwise have a clue who you are want to go and pick up your book. I never write a book thinking of reviewers in fact, if I did, I'd probably just hide under my desk and never type another letter! Best Book of the Year , Bookbrowse. This is a beautiful, heartbreaking, controversial, and honest book. Picoult has written such a book. Other kids my age were busy looking up the words penis and vagina in the classroom dictionary when the teacher had her back turned, but I paid attention to different details. Like why some mothers only had one child, while others seemed to multiply before your eyes.

Now that I am thirteen, these distinctions are only more complicated: the eighth grader who dropped out of school because she got into trouble; a neighbor who got herself pregnant in the hopes it would keep her husband from filing for divorce. On the other hand, I was born for a very specific purpose. In fact, when Jesse told me how babies get made and I, the great disbeliever, decided to ask my parents the truth; I got more than I bargained for. They sat me down and told me all the usual stuff, of course — but they also explained that they chose little embryonic me, specifically, because I could save my sister Kate. It made me wonder, though, what would have happened if Kate been healthy. Certainly I would not be part of this family.

And if your parents have you for a reason, then that reason better exist. The heart falls on the glass counter in a pool of its own chain. My father gave it to me when I was six after the bone marrow harvest, because he said anyone who was giving her sister such a major present deserved one of her own. Seeing it there, on the counter, my neck feels shivery and naked. The owner puts a loop up to his eye, which makes it seem almost normal size. I pick up the locket, resigned to sealing the deal, and the strangest thing happens — my hand, it just clamps shut like the Jaws of Life.

He never would have filed! He had everything. My husband buried his assets so deeply that he managed to pay no child support and at 65 I'm working full time for the remainder of my life. My partner of several years and I get along well and travel extremely well. However, our approaches to and experiences in life have been exceptionally different. Sexually, she is not very satisfying. As a result I have had an amazingly stimulating and fulfilling personal and sexual relationship with someone else. Not appropriate, but that's the road I followed. Hence, I have been accused of being narcissistic. I understand the response. That said, having never had a satisfying sexual relationship in my life I am now I should have left my partner for "Athens other woman," but I don't want others to think I'm always moving on.

It's hard for friends to relate to someone who always has someone new in their life. I do not believe I am narcissistic, but feel I finally have had some true sexual fulfillment. I know it's been inappropriate, but I at least feel human. I was very drawn to my partner's personality and we decided to marry and have a child. I made the mistake of not dating for long; as we both seemed to want a child and I had a small window of time given my age. Once the child was born; he immediately announced that he had decided not to continue working as it would interfere with his art and that pretty much opened the door to emotional and financial conflict that only grew worse.

He tried taking over my home and ordering me about and finally when I caught him using drugs in our home with an 18th month old upstairs, I threw him out. Thus by began a long and ugly divorce in which he used any means possible to destroy me and use our son as a pawn. I finally, after going through five lawyers found the right attorney and he nailed L. Today our son has very little to do with him and feels he is "just a burden" to be around.

My son and I both survived and are doing well but I will never forgive or forget this nightmere. I divorced a divorce attorney 11 years ago and he still tries to harm me. He was so successful in convincing friends, neighbors and government officials that I am dangerous and crazy that I was arrested three times. Plus city officials tried to take away both my business and professional license which would have left me without income. He effectively alienated both of my children who are now grown. I discovered that he supported another narcissist, the city prosecutor who wrote a secret report about me claiming that I had a diagnosis of sociopath.

This report was used to try to crush my psychology practice. My only protection against this man was to sue the city and the neighbors who kept filing false police reports. And I was acquitted of all charges ever brought against me. I refuse to be crushed by this horrible experience, but I grieve daily that my children one of whom is autistic have succumbed to his manipulations. They tell people I am dangerous and crazy too. Past experience has taught me I will never be free until the man is dead, even after 25 years being divorced. He told my grandson I didn't want to be with my grandson when I really did not want to be in his grandfather's presence and be subject to his continuing anger about why we divorced and ruined "the family.

I get angry sometimes because it has affected my long term relationships with my adult children and there can rarely be a joint gathering without the adult kids wondering what might happen. And, it is, and always will be, about him. Taboo topic indeed, I am from Denmark, I am about to move to another apartment, after being in a relationship with an narcissist for 1 and half years. I almost destroyed my life and my identity as a person.

Her family, whom are addicted to drugs and alcohol has been attacking me in different ways, because I have been fighting for the best for my three boys, two of my ex girlfriends boys and my son. And then, there is the hell of divorcing a psychopath. Not all narcissists are psychopaths, but all psychopaths are narcissists. Psychopaths are a different species, people who literally do not have a conscience, and who use words as instruments for deception and vengeance, not as vehicles for true expression and connecting honestly.

The tricks of these "people" defy what even moderately narcissistic people would consider using. One of the most maddening aspects of these "people," is that what sets a true sociopath apart, is not just the audacity of how far they will stretch the truth to shatter into expedient lies, but of how well they have honed their craft of hiding their actions. Psychopaths usually portray themselves as the exact opposite of the the kind of people they truly are while exploiting their victims such that others are coerced to believe that the victims harmed the sociopath. I somehow endured this for 15 years before I caught on, and was able to save what was left of my myself and my kids's lives.

I could never have done it without the couple dozen books on this topic. It can be done. Google the terms and learn as if your life depended on it. Because it does! Thank you for your inspiring words. I'm going through it now and trying to self-educate on the topic. I'd like to know your book recommendations. Twelve years ago my narcissistic husband confessed to a 18 month affair in which the young woman became so distressed she stopped taking her diabetic medicine and died. He had left her and then rung back.

She'd said she was ill and he told her to ring an ambulance. She died that night. There was a coronial inquiry. His number was all over her phone. I was shocked. I had convinced myself he was perfect. But in hindsight he was such a gestural person, performing as the all round nice guy but he never complimented me. He made love to me as if he was making love to himself. He went down on his knees after the woman died. After the police reports and so on he confessed to four other liaisons and begged me to stay. He would spend the rest of his life making it up to me. Afterwards I asked him if he ever thought about the woman. He said no. Yet I thought about her all the time, thinking that if she had rung me when she was so sick, I would have rung the ambulance and come over.

When I asked him how she looked, he told me I had nicer hair and she had orange lipstick that he didn't like very much. He said he'd pretended he was a big business man. So she was an audience. There were other weird things too. Once I undertook a hypnotic therapy session in which I spent time searching for guidance on how to be good. He undertook the same session and ended up masturbating in front of the therapist. These things made me cringe, and yet I kept making excuses for his behavior.

He rarely came home and if I made a point of this, he told me I was emotionally needy. More recently my daughter from a short first marriage died. My husband had helped in her care but again in a way that was so loud. People had to know what he was doing. He left in the lead up to her death. He'd found another woman but lied again. He insisted on attending my daughter's funeral, said he'd kick the door down. I have found since there were more affairs after his promise to make it up to me. And now he is gone and nothing clear about the divorce but I sense he is nervous that people will think he is bad so I'm walking a tightrope using that need of his to be seen as a good man.

But I did get him into a relationships meeting and suddenly all of the ugly hostility came out. It's so horrifying. I've lived with this man for 37 years. I'm only beginning to realize how much damage it's done to my sense of self. But I will recover. I have the backing of a family who love me. I have parents who loved me too. I want to show my strength to my boys. I worked with an extremely narcissistic person and it was hell. The 'switch' you talk about - from nice to mean in an instant - happened with her, where she swore and cursed, alleged everyone around her was being unfair to her.

When she first came on board she had horror stories of her previous workplace and boss and we all sympathized - ''what horrible people! Yes, it is horrific having to be in the office all day with these toxic people. They turn co-workers against each other and make everyone less productive. The husband was a textbook case of a narcissist. See it if you can. Or watch Lord of the Rings…. THAT was my ex-husband. It was shocking. I knew when I divorced my narcissistic ex three years ago I made a mistake settling for less.

His threats of going on disability scared me. When I started a serious relationship with a loving man who showered my kids and I with gifts, he unraveled. He's also called me a drug addict since I take pain meds once in a while due to spinal injury. I'm fighting back filing six contempts this week because unless you become the aggressor they will torture you til their last breathe. I just hope the system can see his mental disorder. She had outrageously violent outbursts of hysteria lasting about 40 minutes each time about 12 in 4 years. On divorcing her she did everything she could to alienate out two children and to see that none of our friends would remain friends with me. In both she was. The only thing one can do is to severe all ties, completely, percent.

You will never, ever win a battle with narcissist. They delight in the conflict as it makes them feel important. I found this book at my local library several months ago and I can truly say it is a Godsend. I divorced a narcissist a year ago. We were married for 20 years. At the end of the marriage I was physically ill. He said he was done with me and moved in with my best friend. I filed for divorce the next day and it has been hell ever since Now I see him for who he is and I am doing my best to help my kids through the emotional abuse he shovels on to them. The gift in all of this is that I am getting healthy and strong and I am a better mother than I ever have been.

This book has been a super guide on how to help your children and how to let things go that you can't fix. I am coming to terms with the fact that my kids will never have the dad I dreamed they would have. But, they did get one hell of a mother, so I can be happy about that! You are describing my situation! My divorce took 10 years. Now I am trying to change my support situation which has taken already 3 years. She has turned the children now grown into pawns and has twisted everything to her favor. She said I was the narcissist but I hardly am. I try to be positive and like to look good but I hardly think that is narcism.

Thank you for bringing this to light. And no I do not think I will ever be rid of her. I suffered through this. Nothing was lonelier than being married to this charmer who was a braggadocio and spent his nights and weekends seeking out affirmation from acquaintances he had no friends that he was a model husband and father. My three-year divorce odyssey while painful financially in hindsight was worth every penny. I am always blamed by my husband in this divorce. I try to get him to feel what I am and he is always a victim. Yet I have been physically abused verbally and emotionally. Why does the narcissist idolize their mothers? Narcissists lack empathy. So acceptance of that and that they cannot tune into the emotional world of others is important for the beginning of the healing process.

Not sure about your question regarding mothers. I've seen it both ways. Good luck with this. My kids and I barely survived divorce from a narcissist, who later married a narcissist that was rocky! They tried 3 times to get custody because they were sure child support was unjustified. See the turning point, below, after years of tumult. Imagine my ex thinking he could get custody when he hadn't bothered to see the children or pay child support for more than a year! Fast talking with the court, a good false story, and a clever attorney did all that. Finally the judge got the picture, and ordered that my ex pay my legal fees something almost never required here. Meanwhile I slept with a hammer under my bed, knowing my ex's wish to retaliate.

I'd have gotten a gun, but knew statistics about guns at home. The turning point? I knew that my winning these court cases would accelerate his sense of injustice and the dangers. I asked my lawyer to bargain a settlement: no legal fee payment in exchange for a binding agreement to have the court social worker and a referee determine all future disputes. No more attorneys. We disguised the deal to make it sound like the idea came from my ex's attorney. I was broke and this was hard. But it worked. The children had further crises, but things slowly settled with the help of many good people. So true - let them feel like they have won…. They are manipulative people but can be manipulated back ….

You made the right choice. Once you realize it's all about whether they feel like they've won Key traits: I am his ex wife: when we were married, nothing I did was right, or good enough. He could not enjoy our time together or the time with our children. He told me constantly I was not a good enough mother, wife, daughter. He isolated me from my parents and other family. Yes the "not good enough" message gets internalized as the criticism and judgment is relentless. Work the recovery though as it really helps to clean up those negative messages and get rid of the trauma.

I was married to a narcissist who was also an alcoholic. He was a conglomerate of people he aspired to be but he was not a real person. He literally made himself up and played the part. My divorce took 4 years and I had to cope with raising my children , who were very young at the time, and live through a horrific divorce. He is now single after another failed marriage and several failed relationships, he is still blaming me for his unhappiness.

I made many sacrifices but I was able to regain a career and become my own person again. I only regret is that my children will never have a real loving relationship with their father. Their relationship is superficial since he completely egocentric. As for me, success really is the best form of revenge. I'm in the same boat. It's awful. I've come to grips with the fact that this person will never, ever change. The two components that haunt me are:. I can't change what's happened, but I want to be sure I am well-equipped to deal with the certain roadblocks I will meet in the future. I feel as though I've become a detective; trying to predict every manipulative move of his before he makes it, so I don't end up in a more compromising situation than I'm already in.

What's the secret to dealing with these absolutely confounding individuals? I really wish I knew. I absolutely cannot wrap my mind or heart around how these people think. I have been destroyed and have no help even though my narcissistic husband took a gun to my head because I told him I was moving out. His parents fought for him and I had nowhere to go. He has actually gotten me fired from 7 individual jobs. Bosses telling me I will have to go because they are afraid of him. I can get no help. I would caution against informal and rushed diagnoses. It is tempting to see narcissism as the explanation of a pressing problem--but it may not be the correct or full explanation. I have some narcissistic traits, but I don't lack empathy or self-awareness. I have known people with strong narcissistic tendencies, but I would not automatically classify them as narcissists.

I read the descriptions of "narcissists" in the comments and am struck by the differences among them. It's tempting to think: "Wow! Now I understand what's going on! Of course this does not mean that anyone should stay in an abusive relationship. It is possible to leave, though, without diagnosing it completely. Diagnoses have great value, but they must be conducted thoughtfully and cautiously. An inappropriate label can do great damage not only to the one being diagnosed, but to many others. People are complex. They are mixtures of things.

Yes, it's important to identify and deal with real psychological problems, but it's possible to do that without speed-packaging. It is possible to be strong and to take necessary action while living with uncertainty. For those wondering why the court systems often refer couples in domestic relations litigation out to mediation or other forms of ADR alternative dispute resolution , it is generally done with all best intentions of attempting to allow couples, and when represented, their counsel, to work in a less adversarial environment which, when successful, often leads to less combative, less expensive, and less harmful to the children breakups. Doing so is also intended to free up court docket time and lessen the unbelievable strain presently confronting the legal system.

When not successful, of course, it often seems to have been done solely for the purpose of increasing expenses and creating further monetary and time burdens on the parties to the case. Yes, it is often difficult for the court to assess, in advance, the likelihood of success, but if not tried For those feeling as if the court system only listens to the other side it's always the other side, isn't it? Interstate and international cases of child custody and child abductions provide many additional issues, often involving individuals with NPD. Mediation seems a good alternative, when you're dealing with two parties who are operating in good faith, and in the best interests of the child if there are any.

Most lawyers and judges are not trained to recognize this NPD and other personality disorders, much less deal with it. NPR people don't play by the rules. My ex, highly NPD, got a lawyer who was mercenary to the extreme, and who put forth every lie imaginable. The terrible judge even refused to allow my lawyer and expert PhD consultant to use the term "parental alienation" in the custody battle, because we hadn't proven it. We couldn't prove it without discussing it. Catch nightmare, and we lost.

Am I bitte? You know the saying about best intentions. It would be wonderful if people in the court system understood a little more in depth why mediation is mostly an unhelpful and even potentially harmful setting for couples at this stage, when a partner has a personality disorder. Deception and misleading is the name of the game, so the non personality disordered party feels this is a rigged setting. I was married to what I know is a narcissist. Utterly horrible divorce and the kids are incredibly beholden to her.

One therapist I saw called what she's doing is parent alienation. I divorced my narcissist possibly sociopath ex husband almost 3 years ago. He has been remarried for about 6 months, lives in a different town, and he is still harassing me once in awhile. Mine is a classic tale of whirlwind romance, then the frightening realization of the fact that the man I married was not the same person I thought I knew. Advice: Date for at least two years before you even talk about marriage with someone! I am one of the few who was fortunate to see Dr. McBride as a private patient. She sometimes gives weekend seminars to help people crystallize her observations and move forward.

I encourage those interested to contact her about attending one. Thank you for posting anonymous! Also when this discussion ends, please join us over on Facebook too. We will continue the discussions. My son married a narcissistic woman. She quickly became pregnant and uses my grandson as a pawn. She gave my son an ultimatum, your family or me. He chose her because he knew she'd limit visitation with his son. My son will not have anything to do with his family and doesn't even know his grandparents have passed. I keep praying, he will eventually see the light and get out of the controlling marriage.

I grew up with a narcissist mother. She was very seductive, even with other family members. No one could see why I could be unhappy in our family and as a result I turned against myself and thought it was truly me. For me and my brother it was hell however she "loved" my sister. She was neglectful and emotionally and mentally manipulative. I ended up marrying and now divorcing a narcissist husband. It was a hard way of finally becoming aware of what was going on. I am currently no-contact with my mother and have been healing from that relationship.

Because I have a daughter I unfortunately have contact with my ex. I am a strong mother though because I give my daughter the tools she needs to deal with her dad issues. He is not as bad with her as he was with me. But I still find it challenging dealing with him. He leverages things and is controlling. I have strong boundaries but boy is it tough. Hi Dianna, have you read my first book? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers"? It has a lot of recovery work in it. I'm glad to hear you have worked on having strong boundaries! A real key, eh? This seems very close to my relationship with my mother and ex husband. My mother sent me this article because of my father. As I grew up I had no idea what my mother was going through.

Now that I have grown up with a narcissistic father there is no way to explain the turmoil he has caused in our lives. It took my parents over 10 years to divorce. The things that my narcissistic father does, get no recognition, he is plastered as a good man and anyone that would question that definitely do not receive any sort of sympathy, not just from them but from everybody else who don't understand who they are dealing with. Narcissists go unrecognized because they overcompensate and are creating a facade to keep people enticed by their "charm. He definitely tried to portray my mother as a bad mother its been really tough. I wish everyone would recognize the big problem of narcissism.

People that have dealt with these cases need to find a way to separate the cases with a better description of this mental illness in family court. Nobody needs a narcissist in their lives, they should have done something for my siblings and I, if my father could address his issue in anyway THAT would be a step forward! But he just keeps doing the same things over and over again. He has manipulated our oldest two children into not talking to me and I feel sad that they feel the need to take sides because I'm the "bad" parent. Doesn't help that he has the Mormon church on his side either.

After 37 years, I am recently divorced from a narcissist who was diagnosed as bipolar and used drugs and alcohol to self medicate. I could do nothing right. One day I woke up and realized it was NOT okay to be treated this way but the divorce was nasty in spite of my pleas to end it peacefully. He just wants to crush and destroy me. The best revenge is being happy - I am and he never will be. When I did interviews for this book, I was stunned by the cost of these divorces.

There has to be a better way which is why I discuss court reform and a pilot project in the book. One of the judges I interviewed said she often tells the parties in court that their kids won't go to college but their attorney's kids will. Nothing against attorneys being paid, but the process of these high conflict divorces needs a better way to make it more affordable.

I am living the same life. My ex husband was charming and emotionally seductive in the beginning. After 35 years of marriage, he ironically walked out only to desperately try to return. I have a huge level of guilt for remaining in the destructive relationship. Life was hard on my children. It was exhaustive protecting them from their fathers failure as a dad. I overcompensated and made excuses for him. Our lives and their childhood revolved around his physical and emotional illnesses.

My ex husband was verbally and emotionally abusive in public and physically abusive in private. His psychiatrist told me that I was an unforgiving person if I did not stay to support him. He said he was one pill away from finding the correct chemical help that John needed and I was a bad person if I left. Thank you for this book and releasing me from responsibility. Dear WW, I am divorcing after 20 years and I have lost every court battle because of his charm. I am constantly questioning my sanity. The more I fight the more it costs me. And now I'm having to pay his attorney fees.

There is no winning. I wish the next part in this series would be, dealing with a narcissistic parent, because, they really do cause harm. It's only until you're an adult and notice that you have a strained, difficult for-no-reason relationship with your mother, when you've never done anything harmful to her no stealing, no abuse, just normal day to day teenage and childish things. At first it just seems like a "controlling" person, until you move out, or find a boyfriend, or spend time with friends.. The parent mother in my case wants no parts of it. Gifts are usually cheap, or not givem for some reason or another conveniently punished, oh - I don't have money but makes thousands of dollars a year and owns multiple properties. Anything you're given, is like pulling teeth and you have to be appreciative.

These people think they're so "generous" and that they do so much more than they actually do. They don't accept any blame, and find ways to argue about what YOU've done to them, but really can't accept their own actions. Everything is revolved around them and what they want. It's hard to describe to other people, especially when spoken about your own mother. I'm glad more stories like this are coming to light.

I didn't invite my mother to my wedding because I knew she'd ruin it and make it about her. She's never genuine. Take the healing inside! Recovery is possible and there is hope. Dr McBride book "will I ever be enough" deals with a narcissistic parent especially the mother. It helped me understand the relationship with my mother, I won a college award for journalism on my personal experience. My career counselor was an alumni with Dr. McBride and also suffered from a narcissistic parent.

My father was a classic s narcissist. My mother didn't know what she was dealing with. This wasn't even viewed as a disorder back then. It drove her over the edge into a full blown two year nervous breakdown and chronic alcoholism after she saw him turn into a serial womanizer and heavy boozer. There was no escape. It drove her into a early grave and that was it. I can see it clearly in hindsight and even more so as a surviving child now adult when I see normal relationships and what was so obviously lacking in ours.

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