⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Kafka Narcissism
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double binds - narcissistic ‘no-win’ mind games [cc]
Not doing great in school but at the same time vey smart ironic ah? For some reason I was always in trouble, never did drugs or landed in jail. I was just a loner and kept to myself much of the time. I did have friends that from time to time I would go out with in high School. My situation is with my son. It seems that I said very strong things to him when he was a child and parented him with fear and threats as well. I had no idea of what to do and say. I chose to become a parent that verbally intimidated and created fear in my son.
I never put a hand on any of my children. That was the only thing that I did different from my mother. I feel lost, shame, guilty, depress, in agony. How can I fix this between my son and I? Thanks for giving me an opportunity to vent my heart. Thank you. At least your sorry about it and are making the effort to make amends. That makes you a good dad. So that you two can work things out — and get past them — in a safe and guided environment? I helped him in every way possible telling him after evry phonecal he zzzzzzzzi love you son. He would call me every 2 or 3 weeks across the Atlantic and mention that he was worried about my health and old age.
I felt loved and cared for. We would talk about work, his girlfriend everything that came up. If i could share experiences to help him in his work i would share. My training got him very far in his work. I have written tens and tens of messages to learn why he would no longer talk to me. It is 10 months and he still does not speak to me or answer chats or messages. What the hell did i do wrong???????? Who knows: Depression, joining a religion, a relationship breakup, a catastrophe at work. Or maybe just an exhaustion with what he felt was too-frequent communication obligations the world is so different now than it used to be; many of us have hundreds of unanswered emails, constant texts bombarding us, and a backlog on the voicemail. Burnout is real, and some people hit a point where they want to eliminate long distance communication for a while to focus on immediate local obligations.
Yes, your son SHOULD be more respectful of you as his father, and respect your emotional need for more frequent contact — but humans are fallible. And he might be failing in his ethical duties right now for a myriad of different reasons that have little to do with any guilt on your part. I have 2 children from my 1st marriage. My ex went WILD as if she was a party girl again and my kids suffered physically and psychologically as she partied and had an abusive boyfriend to both her and them.
My daughter, 11 at the time was scared and confused when I left the home. Sadly, she became suicidal and we had multiple trips to therapy hospitals in the area. After her 4th attempt I offered an alternate solution of having her go to my parents. Insert Evil Mom syndrome and the choice was clear. We went to a mutua meeting point and we had Xmas gifts for everyone and when my son got out of the car to go to my parents car…the hatch opened and they never got out.
He was a child LOST in outer space. My heart sank as we were devastated by their actions. My parents fell hook, line and sinker for what my daughter told them. This was and to date, not 1 single email or phone call or txt message or any other form of communication was done by my parents to explain WHY they did what they did. Cold Turkey. I will never act on it but the fact that my ASSHOLE father would just go…adios and not try to contact us in any way for clarity is beyond comprehension. Story has so many more turns, obviously. But point is….. So -I am a 46 yr young mom to an Amazing young man who will be turning 16 this year…a few more months actually. I swore Id not go down that path especially knowing I came from an abusive and broken home with my mom and my dad.
Though Momma Never talked bad about my dad to my brother and I, she never had help financially or otherwise from him, she was also abused by him and I thank my big brother for shielding those times from me, yet he was the one most harmed by seeing the things he had, he is now 50 and even today I still see his pain and the toll it took on my brother. So after I married We planned out son and Kolton was born when I was But after he was born, my husband lost all interest in me, hell he even told me that because of the weight Id gained from my pregnancy, that I grossed him out and he had no desire to have intimacy with me…..
My son was 18mo when I filed for seperation. Ive seen a Many! So every other weekend it was…. As the years went on, I never took him to court, never demanded more, I only demanded he be a Dad! Because he nor I ever had one, I insisted on this! I always placed him on School paperwork, daycare, sports etc… As His Dad who could retrieve him any time. But as time years went on he only stuck to that Everyother weekend Definably never took him longer, or on vacations or anything. All over what was their 1st Argunent about going to a concert with Friends where I had already said No, not without an adult.
Calling his friends The N word and just Disgusting!!!! My son has been raised by ME, And I have thought Him the importance of having multiple friendships of all colors, all walks of life and without Predjudice! Not in a Million years did I ever expect that his father would say such! My son told him he said Dad…… if you say that word one more time I am hanging out the phone on you something we DoNot do to people …..
It kills My Heart to the Core that he is no longer a part of my sons life, and Trust me when I say, I hurt over this Way more than my son does But again….. So much his father has chosen to miss and Will Miss….. What a shame huh? Your Momma is gonna live to be ….. A lot of painful letters! I am compelled to share. I am a father of two grown men, 40, and 41 years old. I gave them everything they could possible need, love, support, encouragement, the best schools, the best neighborhood, the best training in every conceivable sport, games etc. Both graduated as lawyers from top universities. I believe in duty, hard work, and and self discipline. My father died when I was 6 years old. My mother had 8 kids to raise. I put myself through university, and never caused any problems for anyone.
Always I try to show gratitude for any favour I might receive. I try to serve society as a volunteers in any number of ways. I continued to conduct myself with dignity and civility and stayed above all the ill will. Their mother made every attempt to destroy me, my employment relations, my friendships, my personal property. Essentially, I left with nothing. In divorce, be prepared to loose everything, except your health and your faculties. All material possessions can be replaced. This mindset will help to avoid bad bargains.
Your personal reputation is essential. I follow every rule, avoid any skeletons in any closets, complete your tax returns. Be open and transparent with all personal and corporate dealings. This avoids you being blackmailed by your spouse or your children. Break no rules or laws to help them. They will make you pay for it. This can be a type of personal hell. With them as witness, you could also end up in jail.
Essentially, try to continue to live a life above reproach and to avoid having to apologize to anybody for any conduct or impropriety of any sort. Yes, they failed to destroy me, and on the contrary they have seen how I have used my personal philosophy of commitment to hard work and and with discipline and dedication have prospered. One son who I basically salvaged from the destruction and abuse by his mother has not spoken to me for 10 years. The other son makes every attempt to make sure I am treated with disregard or disrespect at every encounter. I simply ignore his boorish conduct. I never appear to be hurt by any slights or rudeness. I believe this capacity completely frustrates his attempts to be hurtful.
He now has a daughter. The relationship I have with his family including his daughter is based on my sense of duty to them. I am always cordial and respectful. Expect nothing in return! Once you have done your duty, see every encounter as a transaction. You no longer owe them anything. This is a sure way to avoid unmet expectation, heartaches, and disappointments. It works for me. Good Luck! Like father like son has every thing as the model of lessons. The tense terrible experiences of the son seeing the failure of the father and latter failing is a sign that we can of ourselves do nothing but every good thing we do is a gift from God for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. This is a two way approach confess as has been done and ask for forgiveness.
The two parties must reconcile only in the love of God and there after sholder on as between them none is perfect. My son periodically will clean himself up and stop drinking and go to church with his dad but when he relapses my husband stops all contact with him. This hurts me and I want to help somehow but not sure what to do. Thanks Dr. Would take courage but I agree with you that as a father it is in the best interest of me to reset and reprogram the relationship by acknowledging my very own limitations and shortcomings because at the end, all I want is to ensure that my son stands up to himself and proud of being my son.
ThT is not the cade today. I have much to admit and i am -by virtue of writing this- in the right path fo get it. I have a 22 year old son who is too attached to me, I have been divorced for 17 years but never out of his life. Whenever he finds I am dating someone he manipulates me by threats of suicide, quitting his job, etc to live with me. He has never held a regular job and at this point i am a bit over supporting him. He hugs me, holds my hand and kisses me and I am uncomfortable with the intenseness and emotions in these actions. A few of my fellow friends told me he might be latent homosexual. Have talked to psychiatrists and it is a dead end there. Any help from your viewers? He may not be over that yet?
His behavior as you put it here strikes me as that of a very young boy, desperate not to loose this dad, like he is clinging on and very manipulating to you. Four years old tend to see all-or-nothing, which is normal for that age. Perhaps that he is overreacting if you compared to what you would expect for a man in his early twenties. I thought of giving it a try. Compliments to you for reaching out here. Myself women am reading on father-son partner and brothers to understand them more and ultimately why stuff keeps happening to me.
Best wishes for ! Thank you for your article. Very helpful. I am the mother of a 17 yr old son who has a very non-existent relationship with his father.. I try to help the relationship but it turns into you are defending the other person.. I have asked my husband to seek therapy because I see this relation dissolving itself to nothing. He seems to thing my son needs therapy and not him. My husband grew in a very toxic family and he can not deal with confrontations.
His solution is to lash out verbally or physically. If he tries to reach out his efforts are rebuffed by my son.. Then he goes back to being the emotionally immature father again.. I am lost not sure how to handle this. What about this type of relationship between father and daughter. I have a brother 3 years older but I was the tom boy. My Dad had a very hard childhood and I feel like we kids paid the price for this. I am very successful, and have been driven all my life. I feel like I am where I am, not because I has support, but because I was going to prove him wrong.
I remodel my own home, take care of my own vehicles…just put a new back door in before winter. He is the kind of guy who will tell you…. He will take a tape measure and see if my measurements are just barely off. My mother defends it and has all my life. She is insistent that he just wants what is best for me. He and I get into verbal altercations constantly because I feel like I have to stick up for myself. The last time I was over there I asked him if he could cut a pipe for me and it turned into a complete cluster because he questioned if the length to cut was correct. It was my last straw…. I have father figuresnin my life who treat me more of a daughter than my Dad.
Nothing is good enough, so why bother. I believe that his treatment me is why I have the worst time in any relationship. I feel so lost. Maine used the concept of "father hunger" in her book Fathers, Daughters and Food Nov ,  with particular emphasis on the relationship with the daughter. Such father hunger, as prompted by paternal absence, may leave the daughter with an unhealthy kind of narcissism , and with a prevalent search for external sources of self-esteem. In contemporary psychoanalytic theory, James M. Herzog's Father Hunger: Explorations with Adults and Children  addresses the unconscious longing experienced by many males and females for an involved father. Also, the importance of fatherly provisions for both sons and daughters during their respective developmental stages is examined in the writings of Michael J.
Jungians have emphasised the power of parent hunger , forcing one repeatedly to seek out unactualised parts of the father archetype in the outside world. The notion of the "Father complex" still flourishes in the culture at large. Bob Dylan 's choice of pseudonym has been linked to the father complex, as a rejection of his actual father and his paternal name. However, English novelist D. Lawrence dismissed the idea of the father complex as applied to himself, calling it a fool's complex.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Redirected from Daddy issues. Personality trait in psychology. For other uses, see Daddy Issues. Roeckelein, Elsevier's Dictionary of Psychological Theories p. Jung, The Practice of Psychotherapy London p. Taylor, The Dead Father p. Henke, Shattered Subjects p. London p. Stock characters. Byronic hero Man alone Tragic hero.
Cyberhero Supersoldier. Gentleman detective Jack Trickster. Hard to forget and impossible to ignore, it is Nabokov's greatest contribution to literature imho. View all 33 comments. Dec 08, Lyn rated it really liked it. I once represented a man who had been accused of statutory rape and sexual exploitation of a minor. I did it because it is my job and I fundamentally believe that everyone, no matter how heinous the crime alleged, deserves a fair trial.
That said, it was the single most unpleasant experience of my legal career and high in the running for most unpleasant all time. But sexual attention towards children, in any context, is universally reviled and vilified. Like Joseph Conrad before him, it is understatement to say that his virtuosity in English not his first language literature is impressive. Yes, it is about a pervert, a sex offender, a child rapist. A brute. A monster. Humbert Humbert names himself such. In spite of the subject matter I had to laugh many times at the way he crafted his narrative, especially his droll word play and numerous double entendres. He describes his yearlong affair with the child in words that are at times repentant and remorseful, and at other times attempting a justification and explanation of his acts.
Nabakov could use this all as an extended allegory for old world attraction with our new world mores and customs. Lolita, then, would be the central focus of this fascination and a living metaphor for America, at once childlike and alluring. Brilliantly written with a shamefully outrageous subject, once the reader recovers from the shock quotient if the reader recovers this is a wealth of literary genius and style. View all 62 comments.
Sep 25, Paul Bryant rated it it was amazing Shelves: novels. But uniquely, Lolita, this great and appalling novel, only gets more shocking and more dangerous as the years go by, as more and more paedophilia is uncovered every other day in the news, in nurseries, in hard drives, in the highest of churches, as the paranoia spreads. I found myself quite nervous about even being seen reading Lolita at work.
And very glad the cover was an awful grey with a hideous attempt at a butterfly in the corner, and not the suggestive white-socks-and-short-school-skirt of some editions. Lolita is the blackest of all comedies, the blackness of a deep mine of human corruption with all the canaries long dead in the poisonous atmosphere. You want to know what depravity is? Here is depravity : This was an orphan. This was a lone child, an absolute waif, with whom a heavy limbed, foul-smelling adult had had strenuous intercourse three times that very morning.
I think Humbert bounces gently between the three. Yes, poor little Lo. As he says himself: I entered a plane of being where nothing mattered, save the infusion of joy brewed within my body. That was his big fat choice. I stumbled upon this quote from the wonderfully named Leland de la Durantaye in the Village Voice: To search for the experiences leading to a work of art is as natural as not finding them. Yes, Lolita is a case study, but VN hated Freud and psychoanalysis.
Because Humbert loves little Lo. He tells us so in such gorgeous sentences that you would have to have a heart of stone not to believe him. That must be it. At that point he turns into a sick junkie whose connection has just arrived. But the girl will only be desirable for two, maybe three years. And of course there can be very little connection between the two interested parties except on the level of carnality because one of the parties is a middle-aged male and the other is a 12 year old child. This whole hideous situation is laid out for our bug-eyed perusal — the fulfillment which can only ever be coercive, the love which can only ever be rape, the relationship which can only ever be damaging.
Humbert loves his little Lo. We know because he tells us so. Heart, head — everything. Repeat till the page is full, printer. But that idea of what love is can be found in every other courtroom. I found her in bed with another man so naturally I shot her. I loved her so much but she told me she was leaving so of course I killed her. She died because I loved her. I loved her to death. That happy sentiment is thought to be Not Love At All by many people.
Possession is nine tenths of the conjugal domain. He glories in how much his she is. Could even Vlad be that cynical? But he was very camp. There are plenty of tour guides who will assist you if you want to be Humbert for a week or two in Vietman or Cambodia. These might sound like ludicrous concepts, but over the past year a string of high street retailers have been criticised for selling such items. After grinding away in the literary undergrowth for decades, catching butterflies and dodging Nazis, VN spent 5 years writing it and a couple more years finding a publisher, and then WHAM!
Number one best-seller. Fame, notoriety, and heaps of crisp dollar notes came raining down. He quit his job and left America, lived a swish life in Switzerland. Lolita displaced Anatomy of a Murder as the No 1 bestseller, and was replaced in turn by Doctor Zhivago. Those first eager purchasers, they were looking for a shocking frolick, and they got a second James Joyce, brilliant, wild, too clever by half, terrifying, witty, revolting and, of course, ferociously cultivated. Was that what they wanted? You read novels and you think well, this was good, but that plot there or this conclusion or that style could have been improved, you know, so, only 3.
But Lolita is a novel which writes its own rules, a mesmerising mashup of horror, beauty, wildness, syntactical dexterity and adventures in extreme obsession and extreme vocabulary, a novel that I am amazed exists at all. View all 98 comments. Gary Wow, that's a brilliant review, Paul. Wow, that's a brilliant review, Paul. Paul Bryant thanks Gary! You can call me narrow minded if you like but if it were up to me they would all be castrated and set on fire and I would feel no sadness about it. Go read A Dark Vanessa for a fantastic portrayal of an abusive relationship between a girl and a grown man. Not this shit. View all 89 comments. Libidinous linguist lusts after landlady's lass. Lecherous lodger weds lovelorn landlady. Landlady loses life. Lascivious lewd looks after little Lolita.
Lubricious Lolita loves licking lollipops lambitively. Licentious lecturer loves Lolita louchely. Lechery lands lusty lamister in legal limbo. Lachrymose libertine languishes in lockup. View all 18 comments. The novel is notable for its controversial subject: the protagonist and unreliable narrator, a middle-aged literature professor under the pseudonym Humbert Humbert is obsessed with a year-old girl, Dolores Haze, with whom he becomes sexually involved after he becomes her stepfather. Lolita is his private nickname for Dolores. The novel was originally written in English and first published in Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov Lolita is a novel written by Russian American novelist Vladimir Nabokov.
The novel was originally written in English and first published in Paris in by Olympia Press. View all 12 comments. Indeed Nabokov tells us that this work: " For me a work of fiction exists only if it gives me what I frankly shall call aesthetic pleasure. Some "normal" dalliances had in adolescence or adulthood are worthless. Something is wrong in our antihero, which plans convenience marriages or improbable assassinations just to satisfy his ecstatic passion. Playing the dual role of fugitive and pursuer in a long road trip, the wretched fate of a grotesque man takes place.
A man that until the end is unable to control his insane and delirious love. But still love. Vote: 8 Dopo anni di polverosa presenza nel mio scaffale, decido con moderato entusiasmo di leggere questo libro. D'altronde ci dice Nabokov che la sua opera: " Qualcosa non quadra nel bell'Humbert, che progetta matrimoni di convenienza o improbabili assassinii pur di soddisfare la sua estatica passione.
Rivestendo il duplice ruolo di fuggiasco ed inseguitore in un lungo viaggio on the road, si compie il gramo destino di un uomo grottesco, incapace fino all'ultimo di dominare il suo amore insano e delirante. Ma pur sempre amore. Voto: View all 16 comments. When I consider the ridiculousness of it all, it seems pretty disheartening. View all 52 comments. You see, she had absolutely nowhere else to go. This is a book I kind of hated and kind of loved, and when I first started writing this review, I did not know how to evaluate it.
So I went through the reviews, and I realized what I wanted to say: it honestly amazes me that anyone is able to read this as a romance. It's quite clear that this is not meant to be a romance. And it is for this reason I enjoyed Lolita. I think the reason I enjoyed - or maybe appreciated - this so much was I never thought the narrative was romanticizing what was going on; it was more like an acknowledgement, a book of horror meant to draw its eye. He claims that she seduced him when she has not, when her behavior, though inappropriate, is essentially the behavior of an unaware twelve-year-old wanting someone in the world.
And in places, his deeper mind peaks through: in the quote at the top of this page, elsewhere, when he criticizes Caroline for her hatred for her daughter, her jealousy of her daughter, her resentment. When he acknowledges Lola is only going along with his actions, to prove how grown-up she is, to prove that she wasn't lying about her sexual experience. Perhaps the only thing I sort of didn't was the ending, which I found kind of I would love to read a retelling of this in which in the end, Lola kills Humbert. TW: pedophilia and sexual assault. Nabokov often writes his novels in the perspective of detestable villains. You never like them, you're never supposed to like them, and Nabokov doesn't like them either.
He slaps them around and humiliates them. And in the end, they pay the price for their sins. Readers never seem to realize this. They become immersed in the psychology of the book and feel defiled by it all. Instead, they should sit back and watch the bastards suffer. The stories are written in their own view so that makes the p Nabokov often writes his novels in the perspective of detestable villains.
The stories are written in their own view so that makes the punishment all the more sweet. The reader knows exactly what the scheisemeister is feeling - pain, pain, pain. That's one of the reasons I like Nabokov so much. The bad guys really get it. It's not just getting killed or caught at the end, you really feel their anguish. A depraved person who commits terrible, unforgivable crimes against people. How could he commit those crimes if he saw them as the human beings that they are? It's easier for a crook to swindle if he dehumanizes his victims.
At the end of Lolita, Lolita transfigures. She's a sensitive, care-worn woman, but only because HH realizes her as such. That's why he can murder the man who betrayed her at the end. He was a filthy mongrel that deserved to die for what he did to her. I supplied them mentally "He broke my heart. You merely broke my life". He finally understood her as a person and sacrificed himself to revenge her. Perhaps, HH's only redeeming quality. In Nabokov's books where the villain is the protagonist, the only other charachter with real depth or psychology is a character who the protagonists loves. The little daughter in Laughter in the Dark, Lolita at the end the novel, Despair?
The protagonist in that one is a sociopath and doesn't give his novel-mates anything, but their personalities pop out. You can feel them from the distance. Other novels I've read by him don't exactly fit this mold. In Pnin, everyone is a little characterized but still quite real, Pale Fire is written by an almost-villain and you love everyone but him, especially the wife of the poet, Invitation to a Beheading, not even the main protagonist was very real. He had the same consciousness and feelings that a "K" would have in one of Kafka's novels. But he had no believable history, it's all just a dreamscape that doesn't have half the terror as Kafka's novels have. I never finished Ada or Ador.
It's Lolita x 10 in smuttiness. Just a fantasy. Of course, not all his novels are going to follow the same formula, but they are written by the same writer, the same mind. So I'm still working on him. I really think he's one of the best writers of the 20th century. He doesn't just tell a story, he explores the psyche and human perceptions, how a certain person feels, sees, or reacts to things. If they were normal people, it wouldn't be interesting, but he picks villains or eccentrics. View all 8 comments. I read this book seven months ago, and this is the first time I have so much as typed a word of a review for it. To be fair, I am horribly behind on reviews absolutely all of the time. As I write, I have 31 in my backlog. I am approximately two or three months behind at any point.
And yet this manages to be a new low. I had to force myself through this book. I had to read it in two weeks-long installments, with a months-long break in between. I do not shy away from scares, violence, gore, smut, or any R-rated topic of any kind in my reading, but I could not get through this. Maybe if I put my mind to it, I can discover the point. Perhaps I could unearth an important theme or symbol or achievement like an archaeologist, something that would make this Worth It for me. Likely in so doing I could unlock the ability to understand the notable figures and intelligent people who count this book among their very favorites. For a while. I definitely left it at home when I left for school by accident and not at all on purpose.
I'm reading it. Nov 20, Manny rated it it was amazing Shelves: too-sexy-for-maiden-aunts , older-men-younger-women. I suppose the interviewer was looking for some comment on the liberalization of censorship laws, or something like that. Nabokov didn't want to play - as you can see in Look at the Harlequins , he was pretty tired of these questions. So he said well, as far as he could make out, there had only been one effect. Mothers of young girls named Dolores no longer affectionately called them Lolita. I loved this reply for its magnificent unhelpfulness. In a very narrow sense, Nabokov was surely right. I challenge anyone to prove , beyond any reasonable doubt, that Lolita has had any effect over and above the one he named. And in principle I also approve of Nabokov's attitude towards critics, and the way he loved teasing them.
Pale Fire is another long joke at the critics' expense how many other books are there where most of the action takes place in the footnotes? But, if one wants to go against Nabokov's stated wishes and indulge in a small amount of speculation, it does seem to me that Lolita has had a substantial effect in terms of popularizing the narrative technique where a character is initially presented in sympathetic terms, and then gradually revealed as a monster.
Two examples that immediately spring to mind are Martin Amis and Ruth Rendell. In Lolita, Nabokov cunningly introduces Humbert as a rather engaging personality, and fabricates all sorts of extenuating circumstances. To start off with, there's the tragic story of his childhood romance with poor Annabel Leigh. Then Lo is far from innocent, and, as Humbert points out, she seduces him. But the fact remains that, whatever excuses you may come up with, it's just wrong for an adult male to have sex with a twelve year old girl. After a while Humbert, and the reader, is forced to admit that he has turned her into a whore who fellates him for small change, and then cries herself to sleep every night.
You feel disgusted with yourself for ever being dumb enough to fall for this slick con artist. Hopefully, the controversial opinions I've just expressed won't result in some overzealous Iranian cleric putting a fatwa on me - one of the first things the Ayatollah Khomeini did on gaining power was to lower the age of consent to 9, on the grounds that the Prophet's youngest wife was that age when she married him. You see how dangerous this speculative analysis can be? I was wondering what evidence I could present to support my point of view, which is that he only distorts the truth and omits things, rather than simply lying outright. I would say that my basic argument is that Humbert isn't really writing for us, he's writing for himself, so any lies he tells are going to be the kind of lies one tells to oneself, rather than those one tells to other people.
It's true that people do sometimes plain flat-out lie to themselves. But Humbert is a smart, educated guy who thinks a lot, and he doesn't seem delusional; I find it plausible that he is more telling the story his way, and working hard to find an interpretation that makes his actions pardonable. But this involves greater and greater distortion of the facts, and in the end there are things he can no longer explain away.
It hits so hard because he's previously done a good job of making the reader identify with him; the reader almost feels that he has been lying to himself. I came up with a couple more books to which I'd had similar reactions. One is Agatha Christie's The Murder of Roger Ackroyd , where it turns out that the murderer is the person narrating the story. I remember a friend saying that nothing had ever creeped him out quite as badly: he felt for a second that he, himself, was the murderer!
Mathieu doesn't seem like such a bad guy, even though he's a bit of a dope, and nothing he does really comes across as particularly evil. Yet, somewhere near the end, you're forced to admit that he is in fact a person who will steal a substantial amount of money from a friend in order to pay for his mistress's abortion. You wonder why you previously felt sympathetic. A final thought I had while preparing dinner. One of the very scariest things about Lolita is that Humbert, in a real sense, loves Lo. However, this results in him raping her and turning her into a child prostitute. A couple of years ago, I watched the movie Mysterious Skin , which takes the same theme even further: it's one of the most disquieting films I've ever seen.
Has anyone else come across it? Would be interested to get reactions. View all 70 comments. Aug 13, s. Human life is but a series of footnotes to a vast obscure unfinished masterpiece. Opening a book is a unique conversation with another, the chance to enter and occupy the headspace of a writer, a character, a voice screaming out into the void. There has been much research into showing that reading assists the building of empathy in children, and many fine publications such as articles in The Guardian or a similar one in Scientific American.
Reading is a fresh perspective that helps us to shape our own. Nabokov is a master of literary games and jokes, and Lolita is a work of art that often evokes knee-jerk reactions even just by mention of the title, which is precisely what Nabokov loves Nabokov has a fascination with literary games, detail and jokes, and Lolita is a gorgeously complex work that touches on taboo subjects to force our reaction and is loaded with allusions and important details and clues that invite us to play his game and learn. Few authors since Joyce have such acute attention to the supreme specifications of each word choice to build the maximum potential of a sentence. Each noun, verb and adjective are precisely picked to elevate the tone of a scene through connotative commentary as well as attention to poetic flow, puns and general atmosphere.
There is also the music of the name Humbert Humbert: the double rumble is, I think, very nasty and suggestive. It is a hateful name for a hateful person. It is also a kingly name, and I needed a royal vibration for Humbert the Fierce and Humbert the Humble. The double rumble also exists with couples like John and Jean or Leslie and Louise to denote a cohesion of two individuals into a cumulative force of The Couple.
Nabokov often rejects any interpretation of his work, insisting that it is just sheer creative force with nothing undermining the themes and symbols, a mere game of words being projected onto the page. While this may be a shirking of any Freudian which he so detested or deconstructionist interpretation, it is comforting to know that an author would pay such attention to words to build the perfect game board for the reader to immerse themselves in. America comes alive in his words and descriptions as Humbert and his charge travel the nation seeking any excuse for a sightseeing adventure.
As intention is often overshadowed by interpretation, the reader may find much to discuss in the matter, but what is most important is to see Nabokov constructing a linguistic America through the observations and experiences of Humbert as he travels. You can always count on a murder for a fancy prose style. In a kingdom by the sea. The name and the constant references to a kingdom by the sea allude to the poem Annabel Lee by Edgar Allan Poe , an author who married his 13 year old cousin. Humbert is attempting to justify his actions by seeking sanctuary in history. Funny how Ms Leigh is only captured in a photograph where she is blurred and indistinguishable, a photograph that Humbert is unable to produce. Perhaps she is merely a justification, a romanticised fantasy befitting of her name.
She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. It must be questioned then as to what we can believe from Humbert. We understand Dolores only through the filter of Humbert and rarely do we even see her dialogue other than summarized by him. He insists that she was the one to seduce and sexualize him, but we are not present for the scene. It would be interesting on a re-read to note every time Humbert refers to his step-daughter as Dolores, Lo, Dolly, or Lolita, as she seems to be Lolita only in the sexual moments.
While Humbert insists upon his love for Lolita, often to win the heart of the reader by asserting genuine love, his love lands solely upon physical elements. She is repeatedly eyed over for her physical and sexual traits, but never for her personality or intellectual qualities the latter of which he tends to condescend. While Humbert and his Lolita may have a relationship, there is an emotional gap of maturation that is evident even to Humbert. He sees in her stories an assertion of maturity that seems comical to adults, and her experimentation with sexuality reeks of juvenility to him, yet he pounces upon it like a lion lurking in the tall weeds. Humbert is highly vain and egotistical, constantly reminding the reader of his good looks.
He even tells the reader that he looks similar to a music icon of whom which Dolores has a crush, a Dolores that falls victim to believing every magazine and commercial advertisement that falls her way. While Humbert is much older, he reflects the youth culture of intellectual and physical attraction and uses this to his advantage. If Lolita is a joke, then the reader is the butt of it. As Dolores is seduced by Humbert, so is the reader by his charismatic ways. We are drawn into his world. We are even made implicit in his crimes. If we condemn him, then we must condemn ourselves since we complicit with the act. We are bonded to him and unable to escape by the time we realize he has wooed us with his words as he has wooed Dolores with his looks and intellect.
We, the reader, are his judge and jury as he sits in prison with a fatal heart condition he slips so far into his literary reenactment of his crimes that he writes himself to be literally dying of a broken heart , and he seduces us to both pardon him of his crimes and immortalize both himself and his love-lust for Lolita through our eternal reading and remembrance of him. Everything we read has been tweaked to literary perfection to accommodate his fantasy in our minds. Even Dolly's socks become a metaphor through his retelling. When she is his pure nymphet, her socks are pulled up and pure white. Yet as she fades in his eyes, her socks are always described as rumpled and soiled. Socks are a permeating motif of the novel that is both a indication of Humbert's literary assertions and a thermometer of his passion and opinion of his step-daughter.
Nabokov was obsessed with detail. He made students visualize a train car to understand Anna Karenina. This is the sort of book to rub in the faces of anyone who insists that a blue chair can be a simple blue chair and not a symbol. Those sort of writers, if they are published, are not remembered because we have writers like Nabokov where every blessed word is another beautiful piece to the puzzle. We cannot help but be seduced by Humbert become a further victim in his fantasy of Lolita drawn from the sensuality stolen between the legs of Dolores.
I was a pentapod monster, but I loved you. And there were times when I knew how you felt, and it was hell to know it, my little one. Lolita girl, brave Dolly Schiller. Furthermore, biographical information on Nabokov is lifted from Speak, Memory. I recall certain moments, let us call them icebergs in paradise, when after having had my fill of her —after fabulous, insane exertions that left me limp and azure-barred—I would gather her in my arms with, at last, a mute moan of human tenderness her skin glistening in the neon light coming from the paved court through the slits in the blind, her soot-black lashes matted, her grave gray eyes more vacant than ever—for all the world a little patient still in the confusion of a drug after a major operation —and the tenderness would deepen to shame and despair, and I would lull and rock my lone light Lolita in my marble arms, and moan in her warm hair, and caress her at random and mutely ask her blessing, and at the peak of this human agonized selfless tenderness There is a sense of remorse for his actions that sprout through his narrative in the later portion of the novel and ask us to rethink our earlier perceptions.
This account of intercourse reveals one that is not as one of willful harmony but aggressive assertion of dominance over a passive partner. Also of interest in the article is the town of Lolita, Texas where officials considered changing the town name to distance themselves from the novel. However, it is also a tragedy. Nobody seems to pass judgement on his murder, enacted in a sick yet hilariously slapstick scene. The true tragedy is Dolores in her role as Lolita. You merely broke my life. Aug 07, Ilse rated it it was amazing Shelves: reviewed , russia. From prison, the confessions of Humbert Humbert, a year old man with a weakness for 'nymphets', budding sirens 'between nine and fourteen', reach us.
Looking for shelter in a sleepy American town, he discovers year-old Dolores Haze - Lolita. To be able to stay near her, Humbert marries mother Haze. With sardonic pleasure, Nabokov leads Humbert and Lolita to the tragic denouement, taking them from one grubby motel to another in a compulsively hooking road movie. Lolita speaks of loss, exile and unfulfilled desire.
It is the story of an impossible, ill-fated love: as she matures, the butterfly Lolita inevitably pupates into a caterpillar. Because of Nabokov's virtuoso prose, Lolita is inventive, brilliant, playful literature- nevertheless in my opinion not the ideal book as a first acquaintance with Nabokov, disconcerting it is because of the subject. Nabokov himself was acutely aware of the difficulties in presenting his Lolita visually to the world: After thinking it over, I would rather not involve butterflies. Do you think it could be possible to find today in New York an artist who would not be influenced in his work by the general cartoonesque and primitivist style jacket illustration?
Who would be capable of creating a romantic, delicately drawn, non-Freudian and non-juvenile, picture for LOLITA a dissolving remoteness, a soft American landscape, a nostalgic highway—that sort of thing? There is one subject which I am emphatically opposed to: any kind of representation of a little girl. In lieu of even trying to capture impressions by an illustration, here is a fascinating article dedicated to 60 covers of the novel as published through the years in various countries. More covers can be found on Covering Lolita. I am partial to sobriety in the matter. Which cover would you choose? In verscheen de eerste Amerikaanse versie van dit schandaalboek in de Verenigde staten.
Op zoek naar onderdak in een slaperig Amerikaans stadje ontdekt hij de jarige Dolores Haze — Lolita. Om in haar buurt te kunnen blijven, trouwt Humbert met moeder Haze. In een beklemmende roadmovie voert Nabokov zijn personages via Amerikaanse motels naar de tragische ontknoping. Uit Lolita spreekt verlies, ballingschap en onvervuld verlangen. Het is het verhaal van een onmogelijke, noodlottige liefde: met het volwassen worden verpopt de vlinder Lolita zich onvermijdelijk tot rups.
Dankzij Nabokovs virtuoze taal is Lolita een uniek boek dat de lezer ondanks de problematische thematiek zal verslinden: het is inventieve, briljante, speelse literatuur van de bovenste plank. View all 56 comments. I feel like a mental midget in trying to explain my feelings about this book. I struggle to understand why it is considered such a classic piece of literature. Am I jaded by my own time? Have I heard too often the world "lolita" used in modern contexts to refer to young girls who are attractive to adult men who should know better?
I had to delve into some literary criticism in order to help me understand, and I think what Lolita tries to do is tell a disguting story about a disgusting man using I feel like a mental midget in trying to explain my feelings about this book. I had to delve into some literary criticism in order to help me understand, and I think what Lolita tries to do is tell a disguting story about a disgusting man using beautiful language. I think it also speaks to our modern day inclination to want to explain ourselves, as if we could absolve ourselves from the horrors of the crimes we commit if it is understood why we did it. Listening to the audiobook, although fabulously read by Jeremy Irons, probably meant that the language was lost on me for the most part.
Instead I was left with the story of this self-described monster who destroys a child's life and feels remorse only at losing her. Perhaps revolutionary in its storytelling at the time it was published, but too gross to read today. View all 36 comments. I've lost count how many times I've read "Lolita. I love it. But not the covers. I want to take a sharpie to every one of them. I love Nabokov. He's not for everyone. No one is. I mean well. Warning: Do not read "Lolita" if you trust unreliable narrators. DNF if by page 50 you still think her name is Lolita. Advice and observations: Her name is Dolores. It's derived from the root "dolor. Nabokov's books have a lot to say. But first, foremost and always they are about language, which he manipulates in the most spectacular ways: amazing.
Reading him requires, besides a taste for him, patience and hard work. The harder you work the more you'll get out of it and each reading promises you'll get more each time. But at first you don't have to work so hard. There is no shame in annotated editions.Jung, The Practice of Psychotherapy Kafka Narcissism p. The bad guys really get it. I really Kafka Narcissism care about Kafka Narcissism interpretaion Kafka Narcissism is also the story of Kafka Narcissism hypercivilized European Thin Models Persuasive Essay with the Kafka Narcissism barbarism of Kafka Narcissism Addiction In David Sheffs Beautiful Boy. Slant Kafka Narcissism.